my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
