i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
