I'm going to jail i love you
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
