guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
