Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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