piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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