totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have aggressive nipples.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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