When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize