and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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