my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
