wat bout pragnant strippers??
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
