Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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