Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
