Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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