My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize