the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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