everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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