ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
