"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
