Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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