Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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