I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
