So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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