I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He did a backflip because drugs
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
