I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
