Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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