Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
420 ftw
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
