You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
