He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
