you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
