Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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