Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
