He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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