so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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