how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
