If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
