Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
