our cab driver is having phone sex.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
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He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
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Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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