some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
