After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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