i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
