This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
