Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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