NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
