I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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