apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
