Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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