There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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