First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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