Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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