I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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