Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
