Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
