Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
