One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
