I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
