My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
