No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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