wanna go halves on a baby?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
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I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
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The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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