i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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