the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
