I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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