i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
