More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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