Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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