Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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