Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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