hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
