so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
