Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
