Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
