YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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