i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
