You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
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I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
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Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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