margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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