I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
