he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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