This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
