Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
