Sacagawea was the original milf.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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