mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
