Your mouth is God's brothel.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
