I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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