Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
