Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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